a wedding & secret agents.
10.26.03
[yesterday. feels like two seperate days.]
watching this moment. decorated with the wishful tears sliding down the faces of those around me. my cheeks don't. [won't.] match the stains on theirs. because i've found what they're looking for. and it's given me an understanding of beauty. this comprehension deep inside my heart. where all the needed communication is found in a silence.
[i could feel your eyes on me.]
they slip me drinks through the elevator. a strange aftertaste kicks me in the mouth. is it wonder? it's always lonliness. i'm dancing and twirling and smiling and singing and thinking about you.
[you grab my hand and say it's so wonderful to see me. and hug me close.]
comming down from this high leaves me with swollen feet and his eyes on the floor. but i'm unmoved and preoccupied. because they're kissing again and my head hurts a little. and my heart hurts a lot.
i'm loving so much.
i spit an insatiable fit of laughter into a cup of frostee. our conversations never go anywhere at times like this. sneaking by so as not to waste.
and we sit together. us three. on too small of a chair. my bladder and heart are screaming when i see eyes soften in a half smile and rest on a face.
on the floor. [this music is good.] the safety pin on my keychain.
is now in my hands.
and up my sleeve.
i'd do anything to be breathing smoke. and not air.
and we're hiding. we're always hiding. it takes too few words to say everything. let me poison my lungs as you walk.
we freeze.
we leave.
holding hands all the way home as if it helps at all.
youorme.
youandme.
[it does.]
and as i curl up on the couch with a movie and the thought of you.
i feel ok.
all at once.
rewind | fast-foward
